Category: Life

I am on Facebook.  Well I was.  Actually now I am again.

Okay let me explain.  As you know, I am a dog.  I was on Facebook and it was great.  I had put some pictures on there, which is a big achievement for a dumb dog like me.  Also a lot of you nice people had decided to be my Friend.  And some of you decided to come here and read my blog after seeing me on Facebook, which was very nice of you.

Also, I even found that when I saw other dogs I didn’t know on Facebook, I did not have the Bad Reaction that I usually have when I see dogs I don’t know in person.

Then, one day (well yesterday actually), I could not log into my Facebook.  And I got this message:

Now I have a small brain, but this message really boiled it.  I mean, the nerve!  Here is what I have to say about this Facebook message:

It looks like you’re using a profile to represent an organization, business, brand or public figure.

I am definitely not an organization.  I am a small dog. Just because I have this amazing blog and all my posts go viral does not mean that I am a business.

Although maybe I am sort of like a public figure…  I had not thought about that.

Personal profiles are for individual people only…

I am an individual!  There is only one of me.  My dad is over here saying “thank God” right now, which I do not know why he would say that.  But never mind him.

So since I am an individual, the problem must be that I am not a person.  Well, I am not.  I am a dog.  You got me there, Facebook.  But I have to make a stand against this kind of anti-dogism.  Facebook needs to get with the times.  It is okay in today’s society to be a dog.

…and should include a real first name and last name (ex: John Doe).

This one really steams me.  I do have a real first name and a real last name.  My real first name is Dingleberry and my real last name is Dingbat and those are exactly the two names that I typed into Facebook.  So I guess they do not like my two names.  But I don’t think they should judge me or my names like that.

I have to say something about this stupid example too.  I mean, obviously “John Doe” is not somebody’s real first name and last name.  So how come this fake John Doe gets to be on Facebook and the real Dingleberry Dingbat (that’s me) does not?

In order to follow the Facebook Terms and better reach your audience, we’ll need to convert your profile to a Page.

This seems very selfish of Facebook.  I did not ask Facebook to follow the Dingleberry Terms.  And I was reaching all of you nice people just fine without being Converted.  Now that I have been Converted, I do not receive these nice Friend Requests any more.

The friends of your current profile will be transferred to your new Page as followers.

So now I have a Facebook Page instead of a profile.  And now all of you nice people are Followers instead of Friends.  Well I still think of you as Friends, but Facebook thinks of you as Followers.  Following makes it sounds like you listen to what I say and do what I tell you to do.  But I would not recommend that, because I am just a small dumb dog.

Even though I do not agree with it, something tells me Facebook is not going to give me back my Profile.  So even though it does not seem right that I would have a Page instead of a Profile, hopefully all you nice people will just put up with it like I am going to do.  If you want to go to my Facebook Page and give Facebook an earful, here is where you can go: My Facebook page.

And if any of you want to write me a comment to tell me if you are mad or happy about Facebook, you can do that right here on my blog.

 

Lately my mom and dad have been saying I smell bad and I need a bath.  And also that I need a haircut.  Maybe this is true because this is how I looked this morning:

 

Also they said the same thing about my sister Ashley.  See, she was scruffy too:

I guess I can understand the haircut but I think me and Ashley smelled just fine.  If you are a dog, you spend a lot of time building up your smell.  It is something you put some effort into.  It is really upsetting when your people go and wash it off.

Anyway, today my parents took us to the groomer.

Now, most of the time me and Ashley’s lives are pretty awesome.  But, when we have to go to the groomer, our lives are Not Awesome.  We do not like the groomer.  Here is a list about why:

1. At the groomer, there are other dogs.  We do not like other dogs.
2. At the groomer, there are strange people.  We do not like strange people.
3. The groomer talks to you like you are dumb.  (Well, okay, in my case they might be onto something.)
4. The groomer touches your feet.
5. You lose the smell you’ve been working on for weeks.
6. You have the worst time, and you have to wait your turn to have it.
7. The groomer brushes your hair.  (I mean, ugh.)
8. Worst for last:  Anal glands.  Enough said.

It is obviously true that the groomer is a terrible place to go.  Even my mom and dad think so.  Every time we go to the groomer, they leave us there and make a run for it.  That is because they hate it there too.

Here is what me and my sister Ashley look like now that we are back from the groomer:

See?  How embarrassing.  We look all skinny.  And also the wind is cold now.

Did you know that my mom and dad take baths every day?  I cannot understand why they would do this.  It seems like a lot of unpleasantness to put yourself through.  I would recommend only taking a bath once every three weeks at the most.

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow our lives will go back to being awesome.  If you want to write me a comment about your worst bath ever you can do that down here at the bottom:

Every day I eat exactly the same thing.  Here is what it looks like:

I don’t know if you have ever eaten kibble for 2,920 days in a row, but that’s how many days I have been eating kibble.  Anyway it is not very exciting.  Sometimes I get a little tired of it.  Here is an example:

My sister Ashley does not eat kibble.  She is on a special diet so she gets to eat this Yummy Stuff out of a can.  Every morning I sit and watch Ashley eat her food first.  I do not try to eat my kibble until she has finished eating her Yummy Stuff.  That is because she is the Dog in Charge and I am not.  After she is done eating then I eat my kibble.  After that I go outside and poop.

One thing I have noticed about my people is that they do not eat the same thing every day.  I find this pretty confusing.  It almost seems like they eat better than me and Ashley do, but that would be insubordination.  I don’t know.  Ashley puts up with it, so I do too.  Of course, maybe it does not bother Ashley as much, since she gets to eat Yummy Stuff instead of kibble.

There may be some hidden benefits about eating kibble every day though.  Here is a list I made:

1. Eating kibble every day keeps you regular.
2. You can’t run out of kibble.  Every time we almost run out of kibble, it just re-materializes in the kibble storage bin.
3. You don’t have to decide what to eat every night like my people do.
4. You don’t have to cook it.  It is ready to go.
5. Ashley doesn’t like kibble, so she won’t steal it from my bowl.
6. Ants are not attracted to kibble.  (Hmm.)
7. Your people can bring some kibble on hikes and other adventures.  If they remember.
8. At least you know what you’re getting.

You can leave me a comment on what you think of my diet and whether you think my people should get me some better food.