Today me and my sister Ashley were bad dogs.
Every day except Saturday and Sunday our mom and dad get up and leave us behind. They go on some amazing adventure called “work” and they don’t even take us with them. Most of the time we try to be okay with this, but sometimes me and Ashley find this behavior so completely intolerable that we are forced to respond by being bad.
So, today we got on the kitchen table and ate a candle and a napkin. Here is a picture of what we did:
Now, being bad in response to inappropriate behavior by your people is actually a brave and honorable thing to do. It is standing up for your rights as a dog. It is saying “enough!” when the injustice has gone too far. Me and Ashley call it Civil Disobedience.
Now, if you are going to Civilly Disobey your people, you have to do certain things right. Let me tell you about how it’s done so that you can try it too.
1. You Have To Act Sorry
When I am Civilly Disobedient it’s because I am mad about something in particular. It’s not about rejecting the whole System. The System is mostly good, because it involves the people having most of the responsibilities and the dogs not having very many.
That’s why if you’re bad without acting sorry about it later, you are flirting with disaster. You have to act sorry so you don’t threaten the whole System. Here is how me and Ashley act sorry:
I will tell you about our carefully refined technique for acting sorry. First of all, it is helpful to use Sad Eyes. All dogs have this skill so it should not be a problem for you. You should also go to your kennel or your bed without your people telling you to. Now, me and my sister Ashley generally do not like touching each other. So, when we are acting sorry we will huddle close together like in this picture which really helps sell the whole package, because our people think we must really feel awful.
2. You Should Wreck Something Cheap
Usually being Civilly Disobedient involves wrecking something on purpose. Now, when you do this you should choose carefully. You want to wreck something sort of inconsequential or your people may hold a grudge.
For example once my brother Archie came over to our house and wrecked the window blinds. Evidently window blinds are not cheap because that was, like, a year ago and my mom and dad still hold it against Archie.
Today as part of being bad, we selected a candle to wreck. This candle was little so we knew it was okay. It did not taste good so we just chewed it up into a powder and spit it out. We also wrecked a napkin. Napkins are super cheap.
Another way you can wreck cheap things is by taking the trash out of the trash can and then wrecking the trash. Trash doesn’t cost anything. This is one of me and Ashley’s favorite ways of being bad.
3. You Should Go Somewhere You Are Not Allowed
Going somewhere you are not allowed to go is a great way for a dog to be Civilly Disobedient. That is why today, me and my sister Ashley got up on the kitchen table.
You need to be smart about this, because if you go someplace you are not allowed and your people are not home, how are they going to know? Me and my sister Ashley, being old pros at Civil Disobedience, put principal #2 and principal #3 together when we chewed up the candle and left the dust on the table. Not only could our people see we had wrecked something, but they could also see we had wrecked it in a place we were not supposed to be.
It takes a lot of time and practice to get as good at Civil Disobedience as me and Ashley are. But you’ve got to start somewhere, so follow these tips and give it a try. Leave me a comment and let me know how it goes.
